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Terrible Christmas

by Seibold the Terrible

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Sigint
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Sigint This album! So much fun. A ton of solid songs, but 'Santa Ain't Comin' Here' is the one that I find myself listening to on repeat. Favorite track: Santa Ain't Comin' Here.
Rory Bell
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Rory Bell I spent years hating Christmas music. Had someone thought of this earlier I may have been spared some misery. Cheers either way!
stevesilver
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stevesilver it's the perfect Christmas album for us. all of us. actually, its a year round record. but when im feeling lonely yet optimistic and pessimistic at the same time at the holidays.i will bath in this. so fucking amazing.
Adrian Halo
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Adrian Halo This album perfectly epitomizes the emotional rollercoaster that is The Holiday Season™. Whether you drank too much eggnog and rum or not enough, this album will conveniently make you forget! Whether you fall prey to the ruthless clutches of seasonal depression or get swept up in the manic sugarplum fairy bullshit that Hallmark relentlessly shoves up our asses, this one's for you! Favorite track: End of the Year.
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1.
you're my best friend - we're always laughing at stupid things - like a world we don't fit in - and all of these cranberries shaped just like the can - I wish I was a robot much stronger than I am - baby I won't run even though I'm not the one - but why can't you just love me for Christmas? I wouldn't change you - even if I could - because I'm not stupid - maybe just confused - another candle - another winter through the windows - more footprints in the snow - in circles - and we don't talk because we know each-others thoughts - so why can't you just love me for Christmas?
2.
Alley Pine 04:09
alley pine - we don't want you here anymore - with your skeleton needles and the motor oil rainbow - collection day is near - alley pine - you've lived your life now go - take the gristle and fat thrown out back - you're a fire hazard of holiday cheer - fa-la-la-la - fa-la-la-la - fa-la-la-la-la-la-la evergreen - now striped and on the ground - like your death-row of comrades shackled at trial - while the chainsaws ripped you down - evergreen - majestic where you stood but your six week show dressed in tinsel and glow has expired in this neighborhood - fa-la-la-la - fa-la-la-la - fa-la-la-la-la-la-la you looked so beautiful in the video - alley pine
3.
you won't see my face anymore - in a while won't even know that I am gone - I'm not leaving you as much as I'm leaving me - I can't stand who I am beside this plastic flashing tree - but you can keep the sweater - it used to be my dads - he was in the Navy and they once sailed to Spain - he rode a motorcycle - and he smoked cigarettes - Christmas makes things hard to forget I try not to think of how long it's been since I've kissed you - or wished for something new or gave you a present - I've been stumbling through my life just like a little kid - my love don't add another thing to your list of things you never did - so you can keep the sweater it used to be my dads - Polio took his innocence - he grew up to be big and mean and punched a Beach Boy in California - being southern in the west - Christmas makes things hard to forget like life that fled the leaves that are blowing through the streets - the sky returns the snow - to leave footprints where we go - the road is calling me - I whispered goodbye while you were asleep you can keep the sweater, it used to be my dads
4.
baby it's so cold out there I'll bet we could see our breath - where lovers grind beneath the mistletoe - the Christmas tree is just the least we can molest - in LED's that cast a cold blue glow - Santa ain't comin' here tonight - would you? bells ring in the distance and battle sirens and pleas - for a strangers guilty dollar to hit a liquor store - the shopping is full - the drone are raining fire - and fat man dressed in red to keep us preaching to the choir - Santa ain't comin' here tonight - would you? each snowflake a melted dream - that fills an ocean of tears - so no merry Christmas - it's just another year that Santa ain't comin' here - tonight Santa ain't comin' here - would you?
5.
hey what are you doing in my living room? - what's in the bag? what's with the costume? - a man who comes down my chimney catches fire - you don't make these toys you big fat liar - here's a ho-ho-ho - I'm gonna' make it real clear - I've got an empty bottle of cheer - ding dong - ding dong is that your rig parked up on my rooftop? - with the fliyin' chihuahuas painted like a lollipop…? - son you better take off before I call my home-boys - cuz' when the fam rolls in saint nick they're gonna' make some noise - they're gonna' say ho-ho-ho - boom - let me make this real clear - we've got an empty bottle of cheer - ding dong - ding dong what's up Santa Claus - what u got now bitch besides a lie and sack of plastic imported shit - I think your time is up bro - you're fucking with the wrong ho - got any last words? - say em' right now right here one last time - say ho-ho-ho - spill the empty bottle of cheer - ding dong - ding dong
6.
the days are shorter as you leave - fruit is rotted under skeletons of trees - when the shadows match the sky - all of our dreams die - now her winds are cold with fear - at the end of the year bless the few who cling to a hope - like a star atop the limbs as they choke - but they all know the truth inside - there's too little left to deny - the night shines black and frozen death is near - it's the end of the year offer gifts - offer guilt - and cry equality at feasts of every living thing we can defeat - the sky stares down like eyes of gods - we look to Jesus, Robin Hood and Santa Claus - each solstice comes and goes and leaves us here - at the end of the year
7.
Missus Claus 04:23
missus Claus on a holiday of tears - nobody knows there’s no Christmas here - under a sky of longing and black - all alone on this night every year - (cries) before bed I will stand in my robe as my man traverses the globe - filling hearts of the people he sees - bringing joy to everyone but me - (cries) I don't know peace - I'm too empty - I can't live your dream anymore but I can end it thankful for the food on our table - and years that we've spent maintaining this fable - but I poisoned those deer and set your chariot alight - on this eve of Christmas I will have you tonight - (cries) cruelty to animals - malice and arson - justice was swift in this crime of passion - of the North Pole I didn't I could miss it - what cuts me so deep is that you never visit - (cries)
8.
Freezo the clown - you look so funny now - you're made of snow - but we all know you're trouble - you say 'don't call me this' or 'call me that' - in a whiny voice - you're a frozen brat - so uncool - soon you're gonna' be a puddle - Freezo the snow-clown - I'll be glad to see you go Freezo the clown - you make the holiday a drag - stand there in the cold accusing every passer by - you say 'someone's wrong and we should all be mad' - tell the little kids that their lives are sad - but it's a sunny day - please melt away - Freezo the snow-clown - I'll be glad when you are gone Freezo the clown - just looking for a fight - it's winter-time - you turn every smile into a frown - you say 'Think like me or you're the enemy!' - my different point of view makes me a 'Nazi' - you're a pile of ice - the opposite of nice - Freezo the snow-clown - can't wait for you to die Freezo the clown - we'll tolerate you now - you're such a mess - in this Christmas bubble - you never shut up about politics - most of the kids think you're a dick - and it won't be long - before the end of this song - Freezo the snow-clown - thank god you don't stay long
9.
worldstar hip hop - watch it all fall apart - in your neck scarf and finger-gloves - with your frozen toes and superstitious love… - one last goodbye my dear - the sleigh rides are ending here lock up and close workshop - release the reindeer and lay the elves off - buy a 12 pack and a motor-home - a pack of smokes and head for Tucson - one last goodbye my dear - the sleigh rides are ending here ho-ho-ho jingle-jingle-jing as the sun sets over desert sand - I dream of the snowy fields just broken man - one last goodbye my dear - the sleigh rides are ending here
10.
Black Friday 02:56
black friday - black friday - I'm looking for a deal - black friday - black friday - spending like no other - black friday - black friday - buyin' makes me feel - black friday - black friday - goin' shoppin' mother fucker! you're gonna see me on the news - at the front of the stampede - filling up my soul - with all the shit I need - I've got every credit card - I'm gonna max these suckers out - show every saint and sinner what this holiday's about - you'd better get out of my way Santa Clause black friday - black friday - I'm looking for a deal - black friday - black friday - spendin' like no other - black friday - black friday - buyin' makes me feel - black friday - black friday - goin' shoppin' mother fucker! get a little something for my wife - and something for her mom - something for my maw and paw and each one of these damn dogs - I'll get somthin' for you - if you get something' for me - but I will punch you in the face to get this big screen TV - I will knock you out under the mistletoe - yeah! black friday - black friday - I'm looking for a deal - black friday - black friday - spendin' like no other - black friday - black friday - buyin' makes me feel - black friday - black friday - goin' shoppin' mother fucker! they say a man was born - got killed then resurrected - but If you become an atheist then all that stands corrected - none of it seems relevant to the prices in this sale - if you touch my shopping cart - then I'm gonna' go to jail - DO NOT TOUCH MY SHIT! black friday - black friday - I'm looking for a deal - black friday - black friday - spendin' like no other - black friday - black friday - buying' makes me feel - black friday - black friday - goin' shoppin' mother fucker! ho-ho-ho yourself fucko!

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released November 28, 2019

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